apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
