There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
