dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
