My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I party with great urgency now.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
