On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
