good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
