Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
