I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
