What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
