Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
