Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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