Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Text me some of your sweat
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
