she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
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