I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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