Michael Bay diarrhea
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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