I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
