I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Randomize
