After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
