She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i drank out of a bidet.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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