i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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