dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
