I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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