so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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