dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
