Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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