this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
