At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
