I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
