We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
