i think my tv is drunk
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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