chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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