Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
