Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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