every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
