i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
