I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
