you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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