Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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