I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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