I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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