wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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