I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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