The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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