I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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