I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
