its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
