just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
