I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
