covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
