You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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