I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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