As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
