You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
where are my eyebrows?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
